I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize