The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
