You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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