so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
