Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
