If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
