I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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