what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
