Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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