You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
