I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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