I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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