I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
