Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
