planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize