I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
