I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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