Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
