You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
