I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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