This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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