The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
