wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize