Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
