Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
