i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
