I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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