Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
