Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
