in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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