he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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