Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
