it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
