Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
