Im at strip club and am horny
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
