You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
