Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got inside last night via doggy door
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize