Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
