Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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