I am midnight drunk by noon
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
