and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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