can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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