coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
