Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
