Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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