I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
