drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
