I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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