I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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