Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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