Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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