By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i think my cat just said my name.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
