don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
