does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
