Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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