Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
