Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize