What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
