my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
