you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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