If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
