I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
