i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
BRING THE BAGELS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
