What did we do last night that was yellow?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My vagina just recognized that song.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
