ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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