I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
