i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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