maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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