i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
