plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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