im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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